Sex and Relationships

"I am millennial and I practice less sex than my parents." Reality or myth?

It has been a while that the millennials they are the generation that has practiced less sex for decades. The studies have already passed sentence, but we prefer that they be the ones who belong to the generation millennial, who tell us if they really practice less sex than the previous ones and what are their reasons if so. We have talked with six boys between 21 and 32 years old, men and women, gay, bisexual and straight ... and they have given us their vision. It doesn't have to be that of your entire generation, but it is yours.

The study of discord

About a year ago this whole millennial issue practicing less sex than their parents (and that their grandparents probably) jumped to information pages around the world. It was thanks to a study of journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, led by professors from three American universities, who interviewed almost 27,000 people and came to a clear conclusion: the millennials, especially the youngest (those born in the 90s), are twice as likely to be sexually inactive of those who had the members of generation X at their age. And many more, if we compare them with those who belong to the generation of baby boom.

With these data in hand, dozens of experts around the world rushed to give their opinion on the possible reasons, of which the study did not speak. In The guardianRyne Sherman, one of the study's co-authors, proposed different factors: the greater permanence in the family home, the increase in the use of leisure forms such as video games or Netflix, the possibility of accessing pornography easily... although he also recognized that there could be a misinterpretation of the survey: while other generations would consider that they had had sex with practices such as oral sex, for example, millennials Enclose your responses to sex with consummate insight, which may have varied the data slightly.

Another article, published in LA Times, spoke of a culture of work and obsession with the professional career, which leaves emotional relations in the background. Also of fear of losing control when emotionally involved, to insecurity caused by relationships on-line which favor above all the physical aspect and also of the possible chemical drop in libido due to the constant increase in the use of antidepressants.

On the other hand, Stephanie Coontz, director of research of the Council of Contemporary Families, considered in the Washington Post that the acceptance of occasional sex by millennials thanks to phenomena such as Tinder has made them improve the sexual habits of the generation, especially with regard to consent: "We are accepting the pressure on sex much less than at any other time".

We know what the study says and we know what the experts think. But we wanted to go to the street and ask the millennials real, without stereotyping them or considering that because they belong to the same generation by age they must think in the same way. And we have found some answers similar to those given by experts ... and very different ones.

"When the taboos disappeared, sex lost significance"

The speaker is Miguel, 26, straight. It is not clear if he practices more or less sex than his parents ("honestly, I prefer not to know how much they practice", he acknowledges with laughter), although sex is not the center of his life: "If we think about it, Isn't it crazy that the most searched word on Google year after year is 'sex'? I do not say that it is not important, but the most sought after in the world? I think my generation will change that. We still like sex, of course, but we like many other things. And that morbid added that he had sex when surrounded by many taboos has been disappearing to become something more open, what is talked about and have knowledge. "

He also talks about social pressure on the subject, which he thinks is more relaxed now than at any other time in recent history. "I can easily reach my group of friends and say that yesterday I had a bad relationship with a girl or that I have not been sleeping with anyone for 10 months. My brother, for example, does not understand. He says that when he had my age, his friends would eat him alive if he recognized something like that. Maybe it's not that we practice less sex than before, maybe we just lie less"he jokes, although he insists he really thinks about it.

"Now there are more effective ways to get an orgasm"

We talked to Lucia, bisexual, 24 years old. For her, the great distinction to be made is that between 'sex' and 'love'. "If we talk about practicing sex with the sole intention of it being that, sex, I suppose the goal is to have the best possible time and get a good orgasm (or several). And, for that, I don't need to leave my house. I don't say I never do it, of course I often feel like that foolishness before I go to bed with someone and enjoy in company, but other times… I have porn and some sex toys. Why go through all these previous phases if I have an orgasm at my fingertips by simpler means?".

In his case, it does not distinguish that the situation is different when he sleeps with men than with women, although he does see girls more open-minded than them. "Women masturbate, it is something that the world should assume. I have always spoken with them naturally, and many agree with me. With the boys, there are still some who raise their eyebrows surprised if we talk about vibrators or erotic videos. But the world has changed and, luckily, masturbation is no longer a taboo. In fact, it is the best way to get an orgasm without involving another person in it without need. "

"I'd rather not sleep with anyone if I'm not quite sure it will work out"

Maria, 23, mentions the word 'laziness', even knowing that she may stigmatize her generation: "Many believe that millennials we are 'ni-nis', some lazy, and saying that I'm lazy to have sex can cause many people to blame him to that. But it is reality. In other words, I prefer not to sleep with anyone than to try to see if it goes well. I don't talk about sex in a relationship, but about going out at night looking for a roll or meeting someone in Tinder. "

"There is little talk that sex is not always fun, perhaps because we want to pretend that we have always had a great time in bed or because we can interpret that we have a problem if it is not. But many relationships of one night consist in a shooter quite selfish and often chaired by alcohol and, honestly, I no longer have the body to endure those things. I prefer to stay with the two or three friends with whom I know that sex is going to be fine, because we have already tried it before, or to stay in my house, simply, than to practice sex just by saying that I have done it. "

"There are many leisure options that eclipse sex"

Jon, 21 and straight, guilt to the excess of leisure with which we currently have the lack of interest of millennials for sex: "Yes, I recognize it, I don't care a bit. I like it, I haven't had any bad experience and, of course, I do. But also, from time to time, I prefer to stay at home hooked to Netflix or take a mountain bike route or watch documentaries on YouTube, play the console, read ... There are many leisure options available, and I think sex is just one more, of course, in a stable couple it's another thing but Sex for sex is nothing more than fun, it is just another form of fun, like the others".

He acknowledges that he has endured many (well-meaning) jokes from his friends when he has exposed his way of thinking, and that this is proof that perhaps it is not a generational characteristic: "My friends can laugh that I prefer to finish my favorite series on Netflix than go out and see if I am lucky and just sleeping with someone, but I also laugh at them putting more effort into trying to flirt than anything else in their lives. It seems to me a little sad sometimes. "

"Feminism has not reached sex ... but the millennial generation"

Mar, 29, is a heterosexual and militant feminist. And he says that it is his ideology, precisely, that makes him practice less sex than he acknowledges he would like. Or, rather, the machismo that still persists in certain environments: "It's not that feminists are bitter women that we hate men or sex, as many times we are accused of being. On the contrary, I have had stable relationships in which I think I had much more sex than the average. And it was fantastic and I enjoyed them. In fact, I miss enjoying sex as I did when I had a partner. "

She centers the trouble in occasional sex: "Feminism has not reached sex, or at least, how to raise the issue, especially in nightlife. Many do not want us to enter when we are with our friends, without any interest in the person in question; nor that they invite us to a drink that we have not asked for, call us 'babe' or any other tacky of the style, or that they behave a little like cocks because they believe that works, and let's not even talk about having the most minimum consent. I've talked to friends, and many of us think alike. There are behaviors that our older sisters tolerated, and that made our mothers funny, that millennials we simply are not willing to accept".

"In the LGBT environment, the trend seems to be the opposite"

Pablo, 27, is gay, and believes that the relationship with sex has become very normal in the LGBT community in recent years. "I think it was much more extreme before. Many of the gays They were very promiscuous outside the closet, but there were many who had not assumed or recognized their sexuality and were practically celibate. Now, I think that everything is much simpler for us when it comes to meeting people to maintain a relationship or simply to get laid, thanks to apps like Tinder or Grindr, and, above all, thanks to a much more open mentality on the part of society".

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