Changes throughout life are inevitable. Over time we changed the institute for the university, the university for our first job. We also changed the safe home of our parents for a shared flat, or our first apartment as independent persons. Our sentimental moment and the state of our relationships they change and go through different stages.
We have children or we decide not to have them. Maybe we change jobs again, and even city. Our friendships are changing, we meet new people, we lose contact with some people who were part of our life or maybe we resume it. Changes occur throughout our lives and, sometimes, we are afraid to accept them or carry them out. Luckily, there are some tricks that can help us accept this part of life more easily.
Why we are afraid of changes
This fear of change is not limited to scaring us, but in some cases it paralyzes and makes us adopt little adaptive behaviors such as laziness or self-deception To not have to change. The reasons why this occurs are varied:
Fear of being wrong: when we do not change anything in our life we do not run any risk. We already know the situation, we dominate it and there is little chance that we will make a mistake. When making a change, especially if it is important and we have no guarantees, there is a possibility that we are wrong and that can be scary and make us feel vulnerable.
Fear of the unknown: What we know is safe. Popular wisdom has taught us to be afraid of what we do not know, it is already known: "better bad known than good to know". We like to know where we move and what awaits us. However, by changing we are entering a new situation that we do not know what lies ahead.
- Fear of not controlling the situation: Many of us like to have control of situations. The known allows us to maintain a greater sense of control, since we know all the possible variables and handle it acceptably well. However, new situations can cause us some anxiety and tension since we do not know all the details, we do not know what will happen and we are beset by uncertainty which causes a sense of lost control.
Tools to lose the fear of change
Accept its inevitability
The first step in losing the fear of change is to accept that these are inevitable and that there is nothing we can do to avoid them As much as we try to run away from them. We must understand and accept that we are changing even if we refuse to do so and that attempts to avoid or stop it are completely sterile.
The changes can not only be positive, but they can help us achieve the things we have always wanted and have not dared to seek. Therefore, it is a much better use of time, as well as less frustrating, to dedicate our efforts to look for ways to cope with change and get the best out of him.
Look for solutions
Get involved in the change, inform us of what our options are, what can happen next and decide. In this way, we will feel that change is not something that happens to us without us being able to do anything to control it, but a situation that we decided and that we are controlling.
Understand change as a possibility
That we change means that we are growing and evolving instead of getting stuck. Meeting before a change is find ourselves facing the possibility of continuing to grow and becoming a better version of ourselves. In addition, change implies that we are daring to try new things and challenge ourselves to pampering ourselves.
Lean on others
Seeking the advice and support of our loved ones during the change process can be of great help. This people they can offer us other points of view or give us a different perspective than ours. Sometimes we are so involved in the situation that we are not able to be objective.
Having the opinion and point of view of other people can offer us that extra objectivity. However, we must bear in mind that we are not getting carried away by the experience of others. That someone has had a concrete experience in the face of a change does not mean that others will live the same situation. We must remember that the final decision is always ours.
Keep us positive and flexible
We humans are very good at thinking about all the bad things that can happen to us, but not so good at focus on the positive possibilities. Negative thoughts appear automatically, so we must make a conscious effort to try to focus on the positive.
Sometimes, it is advisable to spend some time writing on paper all the positive results that may come from the change. Think about it it will help us feel less fear and, even, to desire such a change.
Accept the risks
The changes may involve risks. This does not mean that every time we face a change we will suffer some risk, make mistakes or suffer some negative consequence. Moreover, most likely not. However, we must accept the possibility of it happening and make peace with that idea.
A strategy that works for this is to ask ourselves what these risks are and what capacities we have to face them. Know that we have sufficient skills to control and overcome any risk Presenting us will give us a greater sense of control and effectiveness.
Especially, accept and understand our emotions regarding change and not be too hard on ourselves for it. It is normal that we are afraid, that the changes scare us and the doubts assail us. It is quite usual that we need time to feel safe or to make a decision. Therefore, we should give ourselves that time and not judge ourselves harder than we would judge others.
There are some books, as the name Who has taken my cheese? that can help us learn more new strategies and try to relieve the tension that changes cause in our lives.